TRUE LIFE IN GOD
Ever since I can remember I was told I was smart, that I could do anything if I put my mind to it. And for the most part that was true. Throughout my school years in elementary and high school I made good grades with little effort. And I tended to be the one who blew the curve on the exams. Not only was I capable academically, but also spiritually.
By the time I reached 15 I had accomplished some of the goals I had really set for myself, to have all the worldly things in this world. By that time, I can really say that I was the luckiest person in this world. I had a very supportive family who were always there every step of the way, I had friends to whom I can lean on wherever I go, and I had a stable Christian life with God. I became a Lector in our church. I always acknowledged Him in every goal I reached by that time. I always loved serving Him, praising, worshiping, honoring, glorifying and of course, loving Him. I was really intimate with Him. I desired Him. I always said to Him, “Lord, I will always hold you so that we will NEVER EVER be apart from each other. We will always be together.”
But then, I was tempted, I fell along the way. I dispossessed Him. Way back June 20, 2010, that was supposed to be my reading in Church. I had prepared myself well because that was another day to please my God. When I arrived in Church, my co-lector saw me not wearing my uniform. She got angry to me. She said, “ you will not read the Gospel today. Sit there. I'll be taking your place.” that was so degrading in my part! I wanna please God but yet she stopped me! I got disappointed. I was unhappy. I was discouraged. I returned home with something heavy in my heart. I slept. As I woke up, I received a text message from God. I knew it was really God who had sent me a text message through my classmate. He said, “never rest in serving God if problems come your way. Go on! If people try to destroy your faith, hold on! and as long as God is there, there will always a light a hope and a way.” but then, I really lost my desire in serving Him. And that was the beginning of a NIGHTMARE in my life....
When I was in my last year in high school, I was totally heading in a wrong direction, totally separated from God and I totally lost my hope. I was the SSG president in our school with almost 2,000 people. But then, I learned how to smoke. I learned how to drink. Pornography? That was my world. I even went to school drunk. I even smoked in school. Every night, I waited my family to be asleep so that I can escape from our house and went to my BARKADAS for fun. I taught some of my classmates to drink and smoke. Well, I can say that was my excellent project during my administration in school for some were persuaded. My classmates even cried for me and I always ended up in my room crying at night, looking for something I couldn't find, searching for something elsewhere. I was only living for the sake of living. I was as unhappy as could be! For all of my success, and all of my ability, I could not find anything to make me happy. The grass always seemed greener elsewhere. Yet I knew this wasn't true.
Nearly 3 months had passed since I had graduated from high school, I was already in Davao for my studies in college, I became very busy. With all I had been struggling with I'd been having a great deal of trouble sleeping. Then I remembered God. The most amazing sense of peace came over me. I decided to go to church tomorrow and have another try if I could still bring back my life just like before. Sunday came, I was already in church, I prayed to Him wholeheartedly and said, “ Lord, I am not happy of life. I wanna be brought back to you, Lord. Every morning I wake up, I eat, go to school, mingle with my friends and have a sleep. It became a routine, Lord, in which I am entangled to do it for a success my family is hoping for my future. I wanna be changed, Lord. I want to serve you again just like before. The closeness we had, Our laughs, smiles and everything, Lord.” as I left the church, I had this peace in which I couldn't do anything but just to smile.

Monday came, I found myself in our room. I was sitting in my chair when one of my classmates came to me and invited me for a YOUTH RELOAD. It was its anniversary and I wasn't in myself to say 'no' for it. The invitation was something incredibly powerful. I didn't know that was God's plan to draw me back to Him. When the day came, I was something excited about it. I even dressed appropriate for a party 'coz I thought it was going to be a party where some people are gathered to have fun, with a well-known band on the stage. I was absolutely wrong. It was a RELOAD of the good news about Christ's purpose on earth. I really thought boredom would strike me at that moment. I was again disappointed. I couldn't find myself being with those people with a crown on the top of their heads like angels. My classmates even tried to acquaint and introduce me to some people. But again, it was God's plan. As the party begun, I didn't stop myself from shouting for praise with hands lifted up high. I was clapping my hands with a shout of worship coming from my mouth. I enjoyed the night! That day was the beginning of God's plan for me.
Somehow I knew that God was going to send help. I didn't know how I knew. But then again nothing else had made any sense over the past months so why should this. During that time there had been so many little things that kept adding up to God. Odd little things that had happened to me that made me wonder. What I didn't know then was God was trying to get His message through to me. I met my discipler in the presence of dad kent who again opened my eyes because I was really blinded with sin. Step by step, process by process, I had decided to join the God encounter. Before Encounter, I dreamed of Jesus. I was somewhere in a myriad group of people, being judged if they would enter heaven or hell. Then, it was my time to be judged by Jesus, and He sentenced me to be in HELL for eternity! I was really crying saying 'NO'! Then I found myself entering the gates of hell and I woke up. I cried hard. I was bothered that day. I kept on reminiscing what had happened in my dream. I said to Jesus, “Lord, are you really gonna send me to hell?” I cried again. As I was thinking about it, I again received a text message. It was from SMART, it said, “ for loading yesterday, here's your FREE BLESSING: For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” I burst into cry. God really loves me. It was a sign for me to change myself....
I joined the God Encounter. That 3 day activity freaked all the bad things out from me! It changed all to be changed, it opened all to be opened, it depraved something to be depraved and it burst me into pieces! First night pa lang, buak na ko kaayo! Patay na ang dapat mapatay! Wow! It was unexplainable! I encountered God's love for me! It was boundless, unfathomable and everlasting! On that night, Jesus again appeared to me in my dream. On the bed where I was sleeping, it was the very bed in my dream. Jesus was there, taking something out of me and he was putting it into His two sacks in His hips. When I woke up, I had concluded those were my sins I had been carrying and I felt very soft, comfortable and something heavy in me disappeared. After encounter, I am living with God. My desire for him is doubled compared before. I have already entrusted my life to Him. I am looking forward for His plans for me. The best lesson I've learned is that, “ never ever hold God coz if something happens, you may fall along the way but let Him hold you coz if something happens he will never ever forsake nor leave you.” I know that many times I will be insulted, many times I will be hurt, what will make me hold on will be the the knowledge that in my life I have God. Let me quote Kim Walker's message while she was singing 'how He loves', “If you encounter the Love of God, you will never be the same. You will never ever be the same again.”