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Robert Burns

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Submitted By scottryan27
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After the death of his father in 1784, Burns inherited the farm but by 1786 he was in terrible financial difficulties: the farm was not successful and he had made two women pregnant. Burns decided to emigrate to Jamaica so to raise the money required for this journey, he published his 'Poems in the Scottish Dialect' in 1786, which was an immediate success. He was persuaded not to leave Scotland by Dr Thomas Blacklock and in 1787 an Edinburgh edition of the poems was published.

Ladies and Gentlemen, it falls to me, your allocated Lassie for this evening, to take up the challenge of replying to Ed's toast. And what a great toast it was, so I'd like to thank him very much for being so lovely about us Lassies. Unfortunately it falls to me to lower the tone and talk about men - not that I'm in any way suggesting those two things might go hand in hand.
But no, Ed was absolutely right when he said men try to please us women. Yes, they try… But like Sigmund Frued, most men don't know what women want. Some of them get very strange ideas indeed, including Roberts Burns. He wrote a poem called 'Nine Inch Will Please a Lady' - I can't imagine what that's about… Then there's the other lot, with less inches, who think they can compensate by driving a really big car.
No, sometimes men just don't get it right. Women might be accused of lack of logic, but we are quite good at dealing with the unexpected. Men sometimes flounder. Burn's father-in-law, for example, who upon hearing that his daughter was pregnant with Burn's illegitimate child promptly fainted. His WIFE had to go and get the cordial to revive him.
I'm going to stop comparing men and women now, because I actually don't believe in this Mars and Venus stuff. You know the sort of thing I mean, women can't read maps and men don't listen. I think women and men can be equally good at the same things. Multi-tasking for example. Men can't multi-task, so people say. Well, I think that Robert Burn's impressive record, as quoted by Ed, of 11 children by 5 women in 13 years shows that men most certainly CAN multitask, especially if it's something that's important to them. Burns's wife Jean, however, for going to Burns's funeral and giving birth to his last child on the same day probably wins the multitasking prize in that family.
But no, I'm certainly not going to mock Burns, because I think he's a wonderful example, even 250 years after his birth, of what women want in a man. As Ed showed us, Burns not only wrote wonderful poetry, but he was honest with it too - we women know our faults, and don't mind having them pointed out to us with good humour. He might have been monogamously challenged, but he looked after all his women, working hard to provide for his family. In fact, Burns is such a great example of a man that they've put him on the Clydesdale Bank £5 note to symbolise all Scottish men - cheap.
You know I'm only joking… For all their shortcomings, we women couldn't get along without men. If nothing else, we'd need someone to boss around. And your little foibles are usually why we like you so much - as Burns himself said 'A Man's a Man For A'That'. So, although as a women, it pains me, I'm going to give the last word to a man - the man of the hour - Robert Burns, before we toast the Laddies. It's Burns who gives the best picture of the perfect harmony of men and women getting along:
We will big a wee, wee house,
And we will live like king and queen;
Sae blythe and merry's we will be,
When ye set by the wheel at e'en.
A man may drink, and no be drunk;
A man may fight, and no be slain;
A man may kiss a bonie lass,
And aye be welcome back again!
So please, raise your glasses 'To the Laddies'.
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