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Self Concepts

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Submitted By rcardone
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Raelene Akgul
(Page 1)

My Poetic Self Concept

I wrote the self concept poem without much thought and from my opinion, without excellent deliverance, yet it felt good, every word, because as I plunked away at the keyboard I felt this overwhelming pride of who I was as a child and who I am today because of my childhood.
Ironically, I also unexpectedly felt a rush of sadness pour through me as I wrote the poem. It was if I had already memorized and recited it a million times before, because it came from my soul so fluid and so real. Thinking wasn't an option for me at that moment, my memories and emotions had all the control. Like a feeling robot typing out the words read aloud from another entity, I felt frozen and captive to thoughts that were racing through my mind and heart. Remembering is so bitter sweet for me. So many powerful memories on so many levels, a weak person might crumble under the pressure of such historical personal experiences. I wallow in them almost as if I need to remember who I am and where I came from. This need I cannot suppress. It seems to be embedded in the very fibers of my whole being, entwined and siblinged with my soul, I feel disconnected, dicontented, and disenchanted daily yet I need to remember as if it were yesterday.
As a child, growing up was tough. I lived in a home of seven siblings, an overly abusive step-mother who's name was Remona, and my father, Larry. My siblings and I were raised to believe that we were worthless, dumb, ugly and going nowhere in life because of these very faults.
Every single day we were constantly reminded that we were only on this earth to be seen and enslaved, but not heard. There was no love exchanged between parent and child in my home and there were never any compliments exchanged, only put downs and negative talk.
The one thing that my step-mother Remona seemed to be hell bent on instilling in me was the fact that I
(Page 2) was ugly. As an adult today, I look back on her attitudes towards my physical appearance and I believe that she was merely jealous of me because I looked like a carbon copy of my mother, and I feel that she was unable to handle that jealousy in a positive manner so she lashed out on me because of it. She reminded me everyday that I was ugly and not to smile. She had me convinced that not only was I unattractive but that I had an ugly smile too. So I grew up, year after year, feeling quite down about myself. My self-esteem was completely depleted by the 8th grade. I eventually left home, without graduating high school, because I could not take the physical and verbal abuse I endured daily in that home. I had to get away. Unfortunately I took the low self image with me.
My poem reflects the life I lived but in a not so harsh light. Instead of focusing too much on the black and gloom side of my childhood I wanted to bring forth some of the most prized and loved memories I still harbor inside my heart today, regardless of the abuse I lived with, there are some cherished moments that I hold on to and will never let go of.
“I am from dirt roads and gravel pits, Dirty hands from mud pies, from koolaid and PB&J and drinking from a water hose” was the very first part of poem. It was the simple things in life that I loved the most. Staying outside until dusk was all that I looked forward to. I was free then. I could be me, I could be messy and clumsy and get all dirty without being ridiculed. Those simple things were my happiness.
There was no loving touches or words exchanged between my parents, and I do not remember once being told that I was loved. This brings to mind the avoidant attachment style that I believe I may be living with. I received little to no nurturing as a child and I fear that this is why it is so difficult for me to let go and let love in. Relationships are hard for me because I am always doubting my mates loyalty and love for me. (Beebe, Beebe, and Redmond, Interpersonal Communication, 6th ed)
“I am from five miles to school walking in worn shoes, Sunburned cheeks and smoke houses. I am from cherry pies and horse flies, hay fields and cow pies, Where you are seen not heard, And
(Page 3) never to ask why.”
I always thought the stories my Grandfather told me as a child about walking five miles in the snow, were all just that, stories. Mere entertainment to gain sympathy a nd respect and maybe even a giggle out of his audience. Now as I glance back to those story telling days while sitting at his feet while he slouched out of his armchair I wonder to myself just how real Grandpa's war stories were. I say this because when I look back now at the miles I once had to walk on my route to school, in worn shoes, with sunburned cheeks, I realize his stories were not so far fetched. I loved spending time with my grand parents, they loved talking with me. I did not have to practice being seen and not heard. They let me be me, and I hated to go when it was time for the ride home.
Most of my self concept poem reveals the good times I had as a child. The outdoors was my hero, my earth angel, my best friend. They gave me the opportunity to be me and to express myself without fear of negativity. I had no regard to self concept when I was outside exploring and staying away from the house with my siblings. I was free to be me or whatever made up character I decided to be, because I was accepted for who I was.
Eight hours of building forts and catching bull frogs, finding snakes under logs, and jarring lightning bugs with holes poked through the lids so they could breathe and do their job as my night light under the covers when I went to bed. Those are the memories I want to remember the most. Those are the memories I choose to remember the most. And yet I have this strange need to constantly bring forth the worst ones too. I believe it is what made me the loving and generous mother I am today. Some see my past as ugly baggage, I see it all as lessons learned, knowledge accumulated, and reasons to be a better person then those who raised me. I see it as a solid reason to break the chains that no longer bind me.
Although I find that I suffer from the likes of social comparison due to my low self-esteem, I can say that I try every single day to remind myself that I am unique and just as worthy as any other human being. Always reminding myself that my value as a human being is not equivalent to the material things
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I have or how thin and attractive I am. (Beebe, Beebe, and Redmond, Interpersonal Communication, 6th ed)
It took me many years to understand and overcome the abuse my parents inflicted on my siblings and I. To be honest I do not think I have completely overcome it, as much as I have accepted the past and have made the healthy choice to move forward and not live in a negative mind frame. I had to choose to believe that I was worthy of everything anyone else is worthy of, regardless of how I was raised to believe and regardless of how convinced I was that I would never be anything in life due to being dumb and ugly. My parents truly have shaped the way I perceive myself, but I know that it is my choice as to whether or not I am going to continue to live with those opinions and let them control my life or to step outside of that dark box and into a grand light of positivity and love for myself. Self love is so important, because without it we are doomed to an unhappy and unfulfilled existance. A positive self concept is, I believe, so detrimental to one's happiness and stability in life and in love.

Thank you for reading

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