Spiritual Discernment in Counseling In my life I have been faced with many unique and wonderful situations. Each of these events have shaped me into the person I am today, and consequently have influenced my career path as well. In this paper, I will explore my personal position, my past and present influences, and the practical application of all of this in order to identify my calling. I assert that, more importantly, the struggles and challenges I have encountered have made an even bigger impact on the person I have become and allowed me the clarity to focus in on my life’s purpose.

Personal Position
When considering the major approaches in Spiritual Discernment, I find myself drawn to two. I strongly believe that we are all on a journey and that we are unable to stray far from our destined path. This is the essence of the Bulls-Eye Approach. God is in control. He has a plan for our lives. We have the power to make choices that can lead us astray, but only so far. God will always guide us back to the path we are meant to walk.
However, I also find myself considering the Wisdom Approach when looking at my life’s path. I do not believe that God’s gentle guidance always comes in the form of signs. I believe that the Holy Spirit guides us through His wisdom, and that if we are self-aware, we will know what is right. God will guide us through the influence of our strengths, talents, and abilities. He also provides us with the influential counsel that have our best interest and the interest of God in their heart. I believe I can walk God's plan for me. Like Jesus promised in John 10:9-10, if I do what Jesus - the door to my salvation - did. I can live God's abundant life. I must surrender my will to God's plan to let me fulfill myself. If I give myself to God, and don't worry about making money or owning a big house and fancy car; if I let God take care of the details, then and only then, can I walk the path God calls me to walk. I'll just go with God wherever he takes me. I will do whatever work he puts in front of me for His glory. I will love every other person I meet, only seeking what's best for him or her, remembering that she too is an image of God, the Great I Am, and therefore worthy of my total love. God has a plan for me to walk. If I choose to walk with God as Jesus did, then I too can live abundantly. (Holy Bible, 1979)
I also believe that the bible is our best resource when seeking wisdom and the word of God. The scripture provides clarity and insight in times of confusion and bewilderment. I believe that prayer happens in the form of daily thoughts, mindfulness, appreciation, as well as the traditional format of praying. Because of this, I believe that reading the scripture is an integral part of meditation and prayer. It allows me to focus my inner self and clear away confusion and anxiety that the stress of daily life can often bring on. When I am able to free myself of these burdens, I open myself up to God’s will. To me, His guidance is subtle and is most often recognizable by a feeling of inner peace and the satisfaction of serving my purpose, which is serving others and improving the welfare of those who are struggling to find their way. Niles & Bowlsbey, 2013)
Through the knowledge gain in Horton’s journal article (2009), I have gained awareness of my personal decision-making factors. I am strongly guided by the Bible, common sense, a feeling of inner peace, consulting wise counsel, considering the strengths and talents God has provided me, and praying for wisdom.

Past and Present Influences
I have been blessed with such an unusual and rich life. I am very aware that my family of origin, education, exposure to the world, early work history, and stumbles along the way have provided me with a greater understanding of myself and the role God had in mind for me.
I was born in Athens, Ga in 1977. At that time, my father was attending The University of Georgia and was pursuing his Masters of Science in Philosophy. My father did not finish this program, as he chose to join the Department of Defense to better provide for our family. My father and mother had married in 1974 and my father gladly adopted my brother and sister, whose father had left their lives a few years earlier. He and my mother struggled to provide for our family, but the job he took changed our lives for the better in many ways, including financial security.
We first moved when I was 6 months old. In my childhood, the longest I ever lived in one house was four years. From my birth through the end of my fourth grade year, however, we lived in Georgia. This meant that I was close to my extended family and was able to form strong bonds with my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I was able to experience life in the rural south and the city life that Georgia had to offer in the 1970s and 80s. My grandparents owned farmland, and I formed a relationship with animals and nature. I experienced the joy of being surrounded by trees and the water. I learned to respect the lives of other creatures. Most importantly, I developed a love for exploration and adventure.
My earliest memories of my family are not all pleasant, which I will address later in this paper, but there were moments of great joy and passion that I continue to hold dear today. Both of my grandmothers were extraordinary women. My mother’s mother was a school teacher who later became the director of the Department of Family and Children Services in her region. She was one of the strongest and kindest women I have ever known. She survived great loss, yet managed to keep a gentleness about her that shone through. Even as she was dying of cancer, she would tell me stories and we would cuddle in bed. She never shared her sadness or fear with me, but in retrospect, I can only imagine what she was feeling. She passed away when I was 8. My mother was an orphan before she was 40. I am very aware of how this has influenced her life, and as a result, mine. Her father had died when she was 2. The death was sudden and very unexpected. My mother still carries the scars of losing her parents, and it has shaped who she is as a woman and as a mother.
My father’s mother was the daughter of a farmer. She was born and raised in Wisconsin. When she was 17, she met my grandfather. He was a farmhand and 11 years her elder. They married the following year and he moved my grandmother to South Georgia, where he began work as a carpenter. My grandmother gave birth to my father when she was 19. She went to school and became a librarian. She was able to work full time and maintain a home. She raised 3 children, including one with special needs, tended to the house, and provided for her family. In many ways, she has been one of the strongest influences in the woman I am today. I spent every summer and holiday break with my father’s parents when I was young. I would go to work with my grandmother and learn as much as I could about how the library ran. I became quite proficient at shelving books and using the Dewy Decimal System, but more importantly, I learned the value of hard work and home/life balance. Today, my grandmother is 92 years old and is always prepared for a good adventure.
Just as I was beginning fifth grade, my family moved to Charleston, SC. We lived close to the beach, and even closer to the historic areas of the city. Charleston expanded my views on the unique differences and similarities in people and started me down the path of my life’s mission to assist others in recognizing their inner strength and beauty, particularly those who are too weak or downtrodden to discover these things alone. I distinctly remember a girl in my class who was distressed because other kids were making fun of her and she was very aware of changes that were going on with her body that exacerbated her anxieties. She was older than me. She was bigger than me. It was clear that, at that point, she had more life experience than I had. However, for some reason, she sought me out to confide her fears and worries in me. I felt immense pressure to help her, but I was unsure on what I had to offer her. I did all that I knew to do with what limited life experience I had. I offered her empathy and genuineness. I was honest with her. I told her I didn’t have any answers, but that she was the perfect version of her. I did not know that what I was doing was therapy, but that was my first session. I was scared, but I felt good. I watched her gain self-esteem and I knew that there was some guidance from God at work. Shortly after that experience, we moved.
This time we did not land in the Southern United States. We moved to Japan. When I learned we were moving to Japan, I pictured everyone walking around in traditional kimonos, their hair back in buns, wearing white face makeup and wooden shoes. I was not prepared for the world I entered. It was nothing like my misguided notions. We were close to Tokyo. I had never truly experienced urban life or diverse culture until this point in my life. My parents both worked for the Department of Defense at this point, but we were unable to get housing on base due to a shortage of housing for non-military families. As a result, we moved into a house “out on the economy,” which simply means that we lived like the Japanese people. If I could ever point to one factor that has made me who I am today, it would have to be living in foreign lands and being immersed in the culture.
For three and a half years my mother, father, brother, and I explored the main island of Japan and several nearby countries. We made friends with people we would never have had the opportunity to meet, we tried foods we would have never tried, we learned a language that we would have likely never been exposed to. Most of all, I learned more about the collective human experience.
I was able to see firsthand the differences in cultural approaches to family systems, education, and individual roles. I also gained an understanding of the similarities in moral and ethical beliefs, respect, work ethic, and family bonds. These insights strengthened my belief that God had a plan for me, and that His plan involved me serving Him by serving and empowering others.
We left Japan just before I began ninth grade. I thought that I would never love any place or any experience as much as I had loved my life in Japan. That lasted the length of a flight. Before the plane landed, I knew that God had sent us to Singapore and that it was going to be a life changing experience for me. I was not disappointed. Singapore is a small island/state/country just above the equator. It is a tropical paradise. Singapore is one of the most industrialized cities in the world. It is a metropolis much like New York City, but it is never over crowded or polluted. It has strict laws which are expected to be followed, but, as a result, it has minimal crime and is considered one of the safest countries in the world. I still consider Singapore home.
We only lived in Singapore for two and a half years, but it was at the height of my development in terms of self-awareness and fully formed an understanding of my occupational journey in terms of purpose. This happened as a result of many factors during my time in Singapore. Because Singapore is a melting pot of cultures and an industrial mecca, I made lifelong friendships with people from vast cultural, ethnic, religious, socioeconomic, and political backgrounds. Some of these people are still a part of my inner circle and I continue to look to a few of them for guidance and wisdom. Living overseas is a unique experience for several unexpected reasons. One of which is the unusual closeness you develop with whom you form bonds, regardless of age, culture, or lifestyle. My parent’s coworkers and friends became my friends. They were able to provide wisdom and guidance, much like the elders in the church guide us through our spiritual journey. They encouraged me to open my mind and gain knowledge through reading, experiencing, and listening. These are traits that I value most within myself today.
Before we moved to Singapore, my brother moved back to the United States to attend college. For approximately 5 years, I was basically an only child. I spent a lot of time with my parents, engaged in conversation that made me think and use my knowledge base to make sense of subject matter that was new to me. As previously mentioned, my father was a philosophy major. For a while, he had considered going into Theology, however he could not find a program near enough to the area we he lived in, so he chose Philosophy as a close second option. He would engage me in conversations about existence and the meaning of life. He would ask me questions and then have me argue the other side. He taught me to question the norm and to think freely, considering the perspective of others. My father taught me to be open minded and empathetic. He did not always agree with my thoughts or positions, but he always encouraged me to express them and to challenge myself to look beyond them. I continue to seek his guidance to this day, particularly related to spirituality and expanding my relationship with God.
We moved back to South Georgia in the middle of my junior year. This was the most difficult transition of my school-aged life. I felt dropped into a world where differences were not only unappreciated, but mocked. I learned more about myself in the final year and a half of my school career. I learned that I do not have to share who I am or justify my path to others. I also learned that it is important to be in touch with the Holy Spirit to ease the pain of feeling alone when those around you are not on the same path. Fortunately, I was offered the choice to attend the local college during my senior year as part of a joint education initiative. I many ways, I believe that God was looking out for me and knew I needed the balance of the college experience in order to cope with the distress I was facing in my high school experience. I became an advocate for others that year by becoming an ambassador at the college. I was a liaison between the students, the administration, and the influential people associated with the school. It was the first time I felt that sense of inner peace since returning stateside.
I graduated from high school in June 1995. I found out I was pregnant three months later. I had always made big plans for myself. I had goals and dreams, and I was unsure how I could accomplish those with a child. Aside from big dreams, I also had strong beliefs and values. For me, the only option was keeping my child and accepting what God had in store for me. I graduated with my Associates Degree two weeks before giving birth.
Education was emphasized to me by my parents, by my teachers, by the family and friends I gained while overseas. Quitting school was not an option for me. I knew God had a plan for me and that I would focus on doing my part, as would He. I worked full time and went to school full time, and I managed to graduate with honors with a Bachelors in Psychology with a minor in Special Education. I knew I was not done with my education, but I chose to take some time to focus on my child and my career development. I landed a job with the Department of Family and Children Services processing Temporary Aid for Needy Families and Medicaid. There were times when I felt like I was helping those who needed support, but most of the time I felt like I was not where I needed to be. God was telling me in subtle ways that this was not my calling. I made the choice too walk away and turned my focus to my family. I had recently gotten married, and for the first time was able to stay at home and be a mother and my husband encouraged me to do so. Unfortunately, our relationship was unhealthy and he was abusive to me. During our marriage we had a child together, but I had to make the difficult choice to leave for me and for my children. I never considered myself weak or naïve until I found myself in a situation in which I felt powerless. I left feeling damaged, but looking back, that is a defining moment in my life. I can honestly say that I understand how easy it is to “wake up” in a place and be completely unaware how you got there, metaphorically speaking. This gave me deeper insight into the needs of people who are struggling to find meaning in disaster or tragedy.
In 2002 I went back to school. I worked full time, went to school full time, and raised my 2 beautiful children full time. I would not give up a single moment of that experience. I allowed me to find myself again, and I had been lost. God showed me the way back to my path and I thrived. I found a job at a local mental health agency while in my practicum and was able to gain valuable work experience with a diverse population. I grew more confident in my skills and felt closer to God in the process. After four years at that job, I felt myself being called to a new genre of counseling. I listened and took a job working as a counselor in a close security all male prison. I was truly able to use the skills I was given my God and the knowledge I gained from my father’s lessons to assist those who were struggling at their lowest point. I knew I was doing good work and continuing on my path set forth my God.
Since then, I was remarried, had two more children, moved to South Carolina, continued my career path into Private Practice, Military Counseling, and Inpatient Therapy with the geriatric population. I am certain my journey is not complete, and I am excited to see what God has in store for me next. Having had two marriages that have ended in divorce, I have learned that my trusting nature is sometimes misguided, but I would not change that part of me. It allows me to be genuine and real with clients, and I like that I see good in people. It is part of who I am, and I am unapologetic for that. I have a lot of shortcomings, but my strengths far outweigh them. I am surrounded by love and goodness, and God is with me on my journey. I am raising four wonderful children and balancing it with my career, which often makes me feel closer to my grandmother who also felt that pull between career and family, but never lost sight of her ambition and spirituality.
Practical Application
I have been in the company of many different types of people. I have experienced different cultures, different religions, different attitudes and beliefs, and different value systems. I have taken away an understanding that it is not my place to judge anyone for the life they have lived, nor is it my job to change their core values. I believe that God has been clear with me on my role, which is to accept, encourage, and assist people from all walks of life in their personal journey to fulfill their purpose.
I have been guilty of allowing my personal beliefs to influence the course of therapy when addressing a client’s needs. I have also seen this happen among my colleagues. It is a human response to an uncomfortable circumstance for us, the counselor. This is an opportunity for growth in our profession and can be used as a tool to improve our performance in the future. It is imperative that we, as counselors, be aware that we do not have to agree with the values of others to provide effective services.
One way to assist clients with differing values is to allow them to voice what is important to them and reflect that back without passing judgment. We are there to assist on a personal exploration of growth, so it is not necessary to share or personal views with the client. When we are struggling with those feelings, we must be self-aware enough to seek counsel for ourselves and identify what we can do to emotionally distance ourselves from the client’s values and maintain objectivity. If this is not easily accomplished, we have an obligation to refer the client to another professional who will be more effective with the client.

References

The Handbook of Spiritual Development in Childhood and Adolescence, edited by Roehlkepartain, E. C., King, P. E., Wagener, L., & Benson, P. L.

The Holy Bible, King James Version (1979). The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints, Salt Lake City, Utah, USA.

Horton, D. (2009). Discerning Spiritual Discernment: Assessing Current Approaches For Understanding God’s Will, The Journal of Youth Ministry (7:2), 7-31.

Niles, S.G., & Harris-Bowlsbey, J. (2013). Career Development Interventions in the 21st century (4th ed.). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson.