Take a Good Hard Look Inside
Jason Pharr As I write this essay, I can say I am completely and utterly stressed out. Between all the calls from debt collectors, the tickets I am having to pay off, and all of my other bills and medical expenses that I am unable to pay, I can honestly say that I am concerned with where my life has gotten to over the course of the last year. Around two years ago, I was completely debt free, had a great job, and had never even taken a drink of alcohol or recieved a single ticket for anything. I had no worries, no stress, and no concerns what-so-ever for where I would be within a year or two. That's when things started heading downhill entirely. I began drinking, and completely let it take over my life, with all the stigmas attached. I became more and more reckless, and my decisions became more and more rash. I had never had much pressure in my life, but started feeling it from all directions. My recklessness carried over to the way I drove, and spent money, and handled social situations. That's what lead to all my current financial pressures. Between the tickets, the court fees, and all the expenses I had incured through my lifestyle, I had dug myself into a hole so deep that I couldn't see myself getting out of it any time within the forseable future. I know now that in order to address these bad habbits, I must change my lifestyle entirely, and know my weaknesses well enough to know what destructive habbits I should stay away from entirely. My wife has helped me greatly in this, as has my faith. I currently have many goals, some of which are as simple as getting to the point that I can run a mile everyday, or loftier ones such as starting a thriving business, learning another language, or being able to get through the entirety of "Marley & Me" without crying even once (I have been working on the last one every day, but still lack the discipline and emotional fortitude neccesary to accomplish such a task). Within 5 to 10 years though, I would like to work my way up to at least assistant manager at a reputable fresh food establishment. Food has always been one of my passions, and I have always wanted to be a manager of at least 5-10 people (or at least assist someone in doing so; it takes quite a while to work your way up, even if you are like me and are really good at what you do. I am simply trying to be realistic). Hopefully I will be able to eventually work my way up to general manager, and eventually found a fresh fast food franchise whose fame formulates from forging fantastic french fries. It can be fully financed by my friend Frank Feretti (for Frank frustrated my feelings by fooling around with my foxy fiance for free, and I feel he should facilitate his finances formally to function as a "fornication fee"). As for a fringe benefit, I look forward most to the financial freedom of facilitatiting my own functional franchise. I have had many deep and meaningful experiences in my life, such as when my grandmother died and I had to learn to cope with tragedy and despair, or the first time I watched Oprah. These things have had an incredible impact, and have shaped me into the person I am today. I find that the only thing that has hindered any progress I have had towards my goals in my amazing ability to self sabatoge; in this way, I am very much limiting myself. I had been valedictorian at my college before not showing up to all my final exams my sophmore year (I was making straight A's at the time). I did the same thing during my black belt test, where I also didn't show up. In retrospect, I think I have a serious psychological problem. I am already actively working at changing this about my self, though I do tend to slip up from time to time. I have been attending counseling sessions in order to better deal with and address the issues which have been causing me so much crisis in my life. Some things I do well are:
1. Computer programming (I am like a savant or something)
2. Math (just not the kind with the "x")
3. Fight (cage fighting mostly, but have also done a few official MMA lightweight matches)
4. Browse the internets (professional)
5. Make lists of the top 5 things I am good at Some things I do poorly:
1. Write essays
2. Take things seriously
3. Succeed at anything not related to failing
4. Tic tac toe (I have just never gotten it)
5. Sex (seriously....I am baaaaaaaaddddd) Based on the whole self sabatoge thing, I really have never seen a need to improve these things about myself . I would like to stop eating all the unhealthy food that I do, but I find it just too damn tasty. I would also like to stop procrastinating, but I'll tell you why later. I would like to start becoming more responsible and slightly taller, learn another language, and lern 2 spel bettar. I would have to say the most difficult crisis is the financial one I am dealing with now, and I find that I learn more and more about myself every day. It could have been avoided very easily through budgeting and careful spending. I learned that unless I change my lifestyle entirely, I am going to be trapped in the same cycle forever. That's why I have been carefully budgeting and investing every dollar I make, something I would have never done otherwise. I see this as one of the most important decisions in my life, as money is something that is hard to earn and easy to lose. In all seriousness, if I were to die today, I probably would not be as missed as I would like to be. I have been a jerk to a lot of people, and have made a lot of mistakes in my life. Below is the obituary which I imagine my wife would write: Jason Pharr died today, having done little to change the world around him. He strived to do the best he could in most situations, and at least bring humor to the ones that he couldn't. Though he had many goals, his pride often got in the way of achieving them, and thus he never really accomplished much. Though he didn't have as much of an impact as he would have hoped, he still served as a sort of "comic relief" for the world around him. He will be missed, and his jokes will go on to bring humor and joy to people who surrounded him in his life.