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Exercise 42 – Collecting “Nos”
Week 10 Assignment
James McGuire
Northeastern University

The “Collecting Nos” assignment sheds light on the concept that we often don’t ask for what we really want because we believe the answer will be “no”. In this assignment, I was tasked with asking others to provide some level of service to me, and tracking how often the answer was “yes” or “no”. The goal was to achieve 10 “nos”, and determine what actions on my part were responsible for a negative response. This assignment was particularly interesting to me because I definitely exhibit some of the behaviors described in the text. I often don’t ask for things when I believe the answer will be “no”, and I tend to manage work myself in order to ensure things get done.
I needed to make 27 requests in order to receive 10 “nos”. This chart documents the questions and responses:

It is interesting to see that nearly two thirds of my requests received a positive response. This suggests that I could expect to receive a “no” from my requests approximately 33% of the time. I would have anticipated rejections to be higher, and was pleasantly surprised by several of the respondants. This will likely drive a behavior change in myself, and I can likely save myself a great deal of effort by allowing others to contribute. When I received a negative response to my request, the term “no” was rarely used. Often the response was “I would really like to, but I can’t”, followed by a brief explanation of why they were unable to provide what was requested. I believe this type of response is driven by a fear of being perceived as lazy or unwilling to provide support. The polite explanation of their position defends their reason for not providing assistance, without coming across as being difficult to work with. A simple “no” provides no context for the refusal of service, and can change the perception of someone who is simply not empowered to provide the requested assistance. This is an important concept to understand in the workplace. Networking in incredibly important for driving career success and ensuring social power. Being perceived as difficult can only hurt your network, as these relationships can break down if others feel you are unwilling to help. I believe the explanatory response, rather than a simple “no”, is more effective at getting the point across while ensuring that a positive perception is maintained. If everyone simply said “no”, it would be impossible for employees to work together to solve complex problems. Along with the “polite no” comes the “polite request”. Instead of being blunt with my requests I have a tendency to structure my requests with an “easy out”. I often say “if it’s not too much to ask”, which is a subjective term and allows others to provide an explanation of why it will be too much work. I can see now why this weakens my position when requesting assistance from others. It puts me in a weaker position, and assures the other party that I am willing to accept a refusal based on the required level of effort. I will likely receive a greater level of support in the future if I am more direct with my requests. It is difficult to make an overall assessment of each person who refused my request, as each of the circumstances was different. For example, when I asked a colleague of mine to wash my car I was doing so in jest, an attempting to set the stage for a legitimate business request. I safely assumed the response would be “no”, and it did not change my opinion of this person. However, when I asked my boss if I could leave early and he responded “no”, I was disappointed that he was not being flexible and was put off. I genuinely like my boss and rarely ask for anything out of the ordinary, so this refusal was surprising and has changed my opinion a little. This assignment was very enlightening regarding the power to influence people by simply asking for things. As a person who likes to do things myself, I can now appreciate the need to ask others to manage tasks that they are capable of doing themselves. I also have a better understanding of how my method of asking for assistance has been weakened by the language I use that empowers others to say “no”. Finally, I have a greater capacity to say “no” to requests that I do not need to support. This exercise provided a good opportunity for self-reflection that will definitely change how I approach these situations in the future.

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