Free Essay

The Inside

In: People

Submitted By SpeshialEdd
Words 853
Pages 4
R. Samuel Brock
English 1301.16
McKeown
September 23, 2015

The Inside I have gone most of my life with just a few friends, and not a lot of dates. Recently, I’ve also done very little talking. I do not hate people. I find myself to be a great catch, and when I am comfortable, I can blabber until the cows come home. I do not know why, but recently, I’ve gone into a state of deep introversion that I am not entirely sure I will ever get out of. As a college freshman, I saw this first semester as a great opportunity to make new friends, find new hobbies, and maybe even meet a girl. But every single time I see someone I might like to talk to, I do the same thing. I sit there, and look back and forth between them and the ground. I do this, up until they, or I leave. Then once separated, I think of all the ways I could have started a conversation, and all the different places it could have gone.

It doesn’t make any sense to me! Whenever I’m in a group of people, even if I have never met any of them, I feel perfectly fine. I’ll participate in conversations, and even crack jokes. Some of the best friends that I have ever made have come from a large group of random people. It’s only when I am alone, that suddenly I lock up, and become this shy, personality-less hunk of meat. Just sitting and waiting to be left alone.

I work as a bagger at the H-E-B on 19th street in Waco. It takes a ton of communication amungst the workers to make sure everything goes where it needs to go, when they need to be there. We especially talk with the customers, to make sure they have the perfect shopping experience. So, it can be seen where not being able to talk could put a hitch in the giddy up. When a customer checks out, we are supposed to greet them, and try to start some sort of conversation. I get into trouble at work sometimes, because I will take their groceries, put them in bag, put them in a cart, and leave. No conversation at all. Not even a word, and the managers don’t like that very much.

Other times what will happen, is that because I don’t like to talk, is that I won’t say no. I’ve gotten pretty far behind on my math homework this semester, and a lot of it is do to my schedule at work. Not because it is unchangeable, but because I won’t go to my manager and say “Hey, I can’t work such and such days, I’ve got a ton of homework/ a test coming up/ or something.” I’ll also do the same with people, but not in the same way. I will say, I don’t talk to most people because I’m shy, but some times, it is because they get on my nerves. The problem is, instead of speaking up, and essentially saying “Shut up, don't care, leave me alone.”, I’ll just look down at the ground and give short, choppy responses to whatever they’re talking about. I wish people wouldn't be so hurt when I tell them that I do not like them. Then there is, what I believe, is my biggest problem. I’ll set the scene. There she is, the girl I’ve had a crush on since the day I saw her. She likes the same music as me, has the same ideals, the same sense of humor, and oh my sweet lord, does she look incredible. “This is it, today’s the day! Today’s the day I ask her out!” I’ve done this about five times this semester. Every time I talk to her, I run into the same problems.

She’s the singer for the rock band that I am in. Whenever we are together as a full band, I feel totally comfortable talking to her, making jokes, all that good stuff. It’s whenever practice is over, when we’re all leaving, that I hit the wall. We are usually the last two to leave, which seems like the perfect time to talk, as we walk to our respective cars. Yet, every single time I try to talk to her one on one, here comes my shyness, hitting me like a Mac truck.

There have been a couple of times where I have “Maned up,” and had an actual conversation, and they went, I think, very well. Other than the few lucky times, most of my social life ends the same way. Face down, staying quiet, and keeping to myself. I’ve thought a lot about it, and I am sure there is some therapy somewhere that can help me. And maybe even just practicing talking tot people would help, but to be completely honest, I’m not sure if I can fix this. Which totally sucks, because I really want everyone to get to know the real me. I’m just not sure I can let them in.

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