Running Head: DISHARMONY AND MISMATCH

Disharmony and Mismatch:
The Truth about Online Dating

Isioma K. Ehiobu

CAS 4703-993
April 27, 2011

Disharmony and Mismatch: The Truth about Online Dating
Five years ago American journalist, Thomas Friedman, wrote a book entitled The World Is Flat: A Brief History of the Twenty-first Century. His main reason for writing this book was to point out that the world in which we live in was being flattened by technology. What he meant by the term “flatten” was that the things that couldn’t be done decades ago due to the lack of technology are now being conducted today at a fast rate because of how advanced the technology is today. Take for instance, the Internet, decades ago not that much could be done on it but now it allows people to communicate with one another across the globe. He goes into detail as he talks about the workflow software, which was one of the ten forces that flatten the world as it contributed to the improvement of the Internet (Friedman, 2006, p. 78). Now it allows people to interact with one another through various means like social network, emails, and now with the upcoming of Internet dating.
Internet dating, once considered taboo, is now an effective way to meet others like ourselves that we may have otherwise not met in a public setting. Today, this type of dating appears to be replacing our traditional ways when looking for a soulmate, especially for those who have had an unsuccessful face-to-face relationship. Internet dating is now one of many ways to find that potential someone that might lead to marriage. If one is skeptical about Internet dating, or fear the ridicule of others for not being able to find a date themselves, companies like Match.com has reminded us that, “1 in 5 relationships now begins on an online dating site” (match.com TV commercial). However, if they are unable to find a match, the error resides in them and not the proven success of the company.
It seems online dating websites couldn’t have come at a better time. Especially now that a greater percentage of marriages are ending in divorce, the increased emphasis on building careers and statuses, people have now found it unrealistic that they will meet their significant others by fate alone. Just in 2010, the entire online dating industry generated an annual profit of $4 billion and growing (http://www.datingsitesreviews.com). Leading the way in this business are websites like eHarmony, Match.com, Perfectmatch.com, and Chemistry.com. These profits are no surprises because these websites are known to bombard all streams of the media with intense advertising. And in case you might mistake one for the other, these companies clad themselves with bold and recognizable logos. In their ads they show couples from all ages, race, and orientation with success stories. Some of them even try to poke fun at their unfortunate previous blind dating experiences and explain how dating websites like Match.com has helped them in finding their true love. These companies promise its current and potential users the effectiveness of their skills in finding them a compatible mate by giving them the belief that true love is just a click away.
Now on these sites, it seems like fabricating a little white-lie is the way to go when interacting with others. A woman applies different cosmetics to enhance the features of her face by gently whisking up her eye lashes with mascara to add volume, calculating the routes on which her blush should pass on her cheeks, and now, with different shades of red she smears lipstick to make a once pale canvas so desirable they compel you to attempt a kiss. What about when a man enhances his worth at a bar scene by telling a group of women that he plays wide receiver for the Dallas Cowboys. He lifts up his beer bottle to his chest so that they can see his large biceps, but most importantly his new Rolex watch. But what he has failed to mention to these women is that he’s in fact only on the practice roster and doesn’t even have an assigned number. His bulging biceps are due to his hard work, the time working-out at the gym, and several years of experimenting with various steroids. Now about that Rolex, rest assured its real but he just bought it used at a pawnshop. Almost everyone would argue that both this woman and man didn’t necessarily lie, they only told half-truths that almost everyone in a social setting commits. Women have been applying make-up and other things to make themselves more desirable, and men have always spoke too highly of themselves as well as exaggerated their status in society.
On the other hand, when these daily fibs and white-lies are committed on an internet dating website, those that were told lies feel cheated and believe they have experienced the most vexing kind of misrepresentation. In fact, it seems that almost everyone uses these dating websites to pretend who they are in reality. But why does it anger and also hurt people more when it comes to dating on the Internet? The answer is that the whole idea of dating online is not just to continue the relationship on the computer, but also to eventually meet after a series of communications. The plan is to develop a relationship with the person’s personality, while keeping an image of their profile picture in your head as you speak with one another. For most people, seeing a face that isn’t what they saw on their profile immediately turns them off from their date for not holding up to their physical standards, and also just plainly the act of misrepresenting themselves. Both men and women lie about different things on online dating websites.
Despite the success these dating sites have had with some of its users, studies have shown how deceptive some users can be to others. Most of these online daters tend to present a false self-image as well as false information about themselves in order to impress others. As mentioned by Toma & Hancock, “online daters have many options for constructing a more attractive personae, including selecting flattering photographs, retouching their photographs, and simply stating verbally that they are more attractive than they really are” (Toma & Hancock, 2010). They might present a false image that doesn’t look anything like them, be dishonest about their age, height and weight, income, level of education, martial status, and even to some extent some might be dishonest about their gender. In a study conducted by Whitty & Joinson, they pointed out that “online daters tend to lie about looks, weight, age, height, and social status” (Whitty & Joinson, 2009, p. 74) which helps in attracting others. In a different study conducted by Epstein, he pointed out that “both men and women tend to add an inch or so to their height while women appeared to understate their weight as they got older by dropping off 5 pounds when they were in their 20s, 17 pounds in their 30s and 19 pounds in their 40s” (Epstein, 2009). Furthermore, he talks about “men claiming incomes exceeding $250,000 got 151 percent more replies than men claiming incomes less than $50,000” (Epstein, 2009).
So the question asked, is how often are online daters more likely to be deceptive when creating a profile for others to view and how are dating services also contributing to this act? I formulated three hypotheses from this issue. First, I hypothesized that dating websites have given its users the ability to be deceptive when creating their profile. Secondly, I hypothesized women tend to deceptive about their characteristics that are related to youth and/or physical attractiveness. Men on the other hand tend to be deceptive when it came to the characteristics that were related to the individual’s height, weight, and especially their social status. Finally, I hypothesized that more than 70% of online daters are more likely to be deceptive about their appearance, age, weight/size, height, and social status in order to attract other daters.
Research Method
I observed and evaluated three of the most used dating websites in the United States to witness if they truly made it easy for its user to be dishonest. For this study, I observed Match.com, Perfectmatch.com, and Chemistry.com. I focused mainly on these sites because it gave its users the ability to create their own personal profile and also initiate a means of conversation with others, not like eHarmony where it only finds its users a compatible match. Furthermore, I observed the ages of the users around a particular location to witness what the age range was. I then conducted the study around the age range of 35-50 because studies have shown that as we get older some of us who uses online dating are likely to be deceptive about their appearance. So in order to see if there were some type of foul play, I compared appearances, age, weight, and height with the pictures provided by the user to see if they matched with their description. However, for those who did not have a profile picture but filled out the required information I concluded that the reason why they refuse to display a picture was either because they didn’t have one in hand at the time of registration or they just didn’t want to reveal their true identity. In order to find out the intention of people who signed up to these dating websites I turned my attention to their profile to read their reasons. As I moved my attention to social status, I compared it with the level of education the user had listed on their profile and compared it to the Median Annual Income by Level of Education acquired from (http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0883617.html) to see if education and income coincide. Finally, I utilized data from past studies that have touched on this topic, watched some videos over the Internet that illustrated how deceptive people can be on these dating websites, as well as reading through some testimonies of actual daters who have had dates that turned into a complete nightmare for them.
Result
From what I observed, I witnessed that deception is an important strategy for some daters who created an attractive profile about themselves in order to gain attention from others. However, I found that the problem also resided with dating services as well and not just its users. These websites gave its users the “power of editing” so to speak which made dishonesty a lot easier. It allowed users to go back and readjust their profile in order for it to fit the image that they would like to present to others. I encountered this “power of editing” when I signed up for an account at Match.com, Perfectmatch.com, and Chemistry.com. I saw how easy it would be if I wanted to be dishonest when creating my online profile for other daters to view. As I filled out some of the requirements needed in order to create my profile I came across things like level of education, sex, income, body weight and shape, and so many other pieces of personal information that needed my attention. So if my intention was to be deceptive I could do so because I had the ability and the will power to tweak my profile the way I wanted it to be presented. So with the help of this feature, it will give some daters the intention to be dishonest by deliberately planning to create and edit their self-presentation before putting it out there for others to see. As for the age range and to see what group utilized these sites more frequently I focused on all three websites. My search began by utilizing the search bar provided by the sites to locate women between the ages of 18 – 100 years of age who lived within a 10-mile radius from Norman. Having observed exactly 760 female matches, I noticed that the youngest online dater within the Norman area was 18 years old and the oldest was 79 years old. Also, I found out that Caucasian women utilized the site more than any other race. I conducted the same experiment on males and found 1095 matches. Once again 18 years old was the youngest and the oldest member was 73 years old. Similar to the women above, I found Caucasian males utilized the site more than any other race. I concluded that Caucasian males and females between the ages of 18 – 79 utilized all three dating websites more than other ethnic group that lived within a 10-mile radius from Norman.
What I noticed about self-presentation was that daters who deceived others did their best to present an image that was attractive as possible so that potential daters might perceive them as attractive in real life. As Whitty & Joinson mentioned “individuals can be very experimental and playful with their presentations of self” (Whitty & Joinson, 2009, p.80). I came across several daters’ profiles whose appearances did not match up with their description as I hunted for any signs of deception on all three websites. As I browsed through each profile, I came across a lady whose profile looked a bit twisted. She described herself as a young 36-year-old lady with an average body type who enjoys going out, hiking and singing, and she is looking for a man between the ages of 30-45. What made me suspicious about her profile was that she looked more like in her mid/late 40s in the picture she presented and definitely not in her mid 30s. As I compared the other pictures she had I could draw a conclusion that definitely she wasn’t in her mid 30s. So as I looked passed her profile, shortly I ran into another one that caught my attention. She described herself as a nice 45 year ago lady with an average body type who was looking for a soulmate between the ages of 40-55. Her age might have been correct but her picture said something else. In the picture she looked more rounded than average but her age went along with her looks. I conducted the same observation on male dater to witness if there were any type of foul play with their self-presentation and what I found was less of a shocker. There were a few profiles that looked a little bit tweaked. Some males lied about their profile when I compared it to their description. On the other hand, from what I observed, the majority of male daters were honest about the self-presentation. As I continued my observation, I noticed that height wasn’t an issue as most studies pointed out. Each picture observed matched the height given by the individual.
As for the intention why people signed up, I found out that majority of these daters just wanted someone they could establish some type of friendship relation with. On the other hand, they had those who wanted a more serious relationship but sometimes things never seem to go as planned. Just recently, a lady from California filed a lawsuit against Match.com claiming that a man she met on their site sexually attacked her in her home (http://abcnews.go.com/m/story?id=13396930). With this, Match.com plans are to screen its users against a national sex offender’s registry using their credit card information when they sign up for an account. So, not all daters are 100% honest about the real reason while they signed up to these dating sites.
Finally, I compared income with user’s educational level to see if they were being dishonest as Epstein had mentioned in his study. I noticed that men and just a hand full of women were both guilt for the same crime so to speak but men in general were more guilt. I came across an ample amount of male daters who listed an income of over $150,000 to $200,000 who had only an associate degree from some college. I also came across those with only a high school diploma who mentioned that they were earning between $50,000 and $75,000. However, as for the women that I came across, there were some who had the same listing as those men with an associate degree earning more that those with a bachelor degree. There were some daters who either had nothing listed or used the quote “I’ll tell you later” so I really couldn’t tell what there income was.
Discussion
My purpose for writing this paper was to evaluate the different misrepresentations or lies used by both sexes to make them more desirable in order to win a date.
Hypothesis One
My initial hypothesis was correct when I mentioned that dating services actually play a role in act of deception. I found that these dating websites contributed unintentionally in helping some of its users to be deceptive to others. What I mean by unintentionally is that these websites requires its users to fill out some type of questionnaires, surveys, as well as filling out their personal information e.g. age, height, etc upon registration. So, if a person wanted to be deceptive to their fellow online daters, they can fill-in the opposite of what they are in reality. So this allows those who want to be deceptive to tweak their profile in order to fool others. So, I retain my hypothesis when I say that dating websites does contribute to the act of deception but it is unintentional.

Hypothesis Two
My second hypothesis was that women tend to be deceptive about their characteristics that are related to physical attractiveness like age, weight, etc. Men on the other hand, tend to be deceptive when it comes to characteristics that are related to height/weight and also are dishonest about their social status. As I observed the profiles for both sexes from all three websites, I noticed an ample amount of women were more likely to be deceptive when describing their body type e.g. slim, average, or fully rounded, looks, as well as their age. On another note, I will have to say that not all women are guilt in carrying out the act of deception about 40% of the profiles I came across seemed to be accurate. However, I retain my hypothesis, saying that about 60% of female daters tend to be deceptive about their appearances.
As for men on the other hand, I really did not witness any sign of deception with their height or weight because both categories looked accurate when I compared their pictures to the description that they provided. As far as income, I witnessed some foul plays with their listings. Male daters tend to be more dishonest about their income than female daters. Some male daters with an associate degree from some college listed an income between $150,000 and $200,000, which I immediately noticed it was false when I compared with the median annual income by level of education. Those with a high school diploma also listed an income that wasn’t accurate when compared with the median annual income by level of education. So I retain my hypothesis when I say majority of male daters tend to be dishonest about their income. I reject my hypothesis when I mentioned that men tend to be dishonest about their height/weight and age but other studies showed otherwise.
Hypothesis Three
Finally, I reject my final hypothesis when I mentioned that more than 70% of online daters tend to be dishonest when presenting themselves online. In a study conducted by Jeana Frost, she suggested “that about 20% of online daters admit to deception” (http://www.onlinepersonalswatch.com/news/2007/02/the_truth_about.html).
Conclusion
To conclude, the Internet has given people the ability to interact with one another and to even develop romantic relationships through online dating. Similarly to other dills on the Internet, these daters are overcome by their insecurities and the new opportunity of dating again that they create a profile full of deception, which has proved to be a theme that is numerous and consistent on these dating sites. From these observations and reports gathered, I found that online dating isn’t a bad idea for one looking to meet others in hope to find love, but users of the sites should be well aware of the possibilities of other users not being honest about themselves. Therefore, one should protect themselves to be cautious and vigilance about any sign of deception when engaging with others on online dating websites.

References
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Infoplease. Median Annual Income by Level of Education, 1990–2008. Retrieved from http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0883617.html Toma, C. & Hancock, J (2010). Looks and Lies: The Role of Physical Attractiveness in Online Dating Self-Presentation and Deception. Communication Research, 37(3), 335-351.
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http://abcnews.go.com/m/story?id=13396930