“It is the conflicts that occur close to us that have the most impact on who we become.”

As I sit down here staring at this blank paper, I find it quite difficult to recall any major conflicts in my childhood that have shaped the way I am today. That’s not to say that I haven’t had any; just that due to the nature of my family and our lack of communication on an emotional level, those memories may have been repressed. Or perhaps it is that lack of communication that has shaped the way that I am today. I do, in fact, tend to shy away from conversing with anyone on an emotional level and the more that I think of it, the more sense it makes that this has come as a direct result of my inability to vent during the most vital years of my development as an adolescent.

This emotional discomfort has had a significant impact on the way I approach situations where conflict may occur. At times, I feel very distant from those that I am supposedly very close with and there is a certain barrier that does not allow me to pour my emotions out; almost as if I am trapped in a bubble. There have been several instances in the past when a friend has approached me, vented their anger at a particular conflict they have recently encountered in their life, and after I try my best to help them feel better, they turn to me and ask, “What about you, how are things going with you?” And rather than pour my emotions out as I would love to do, I instead reply with a smile and a blatant lie: “I’m fine.”

I’m not really sure how I actually feel about this, I mean this problem doesn’t even compare to some of the conflicts faced by people living in less fortunate countries. I am still thankful for everything that I have, and thankful to my parents for making the decision to migrate to this country for better opportunities to succeed in life. Of course, this doesn’t mean that I will live a perfect life; nobody does, but at least I am in the best possible position to achieve my goals, compared to if my parents stayed in the Middle East.

We all face our own individual battles and it is those obstacles, and how we overcome them, that determine our success in the long run. I have searched long and hard through my memory bank to think of a conflict that has shaped who I have become, and have come to the realisation that my lack of an emotional connection with those close to me and fear of opening up to anyone is itself one of the main conflicts that has shaped the way I live. Even though I have all these emotions trapped inside of me, I must remember to remain grateful for what I do have, as opposed to what I am lacking. As famous rapper Bizzy Bone once said, “No matter what you are going through in life, just remember there is always someone going through something worse.”