How can I stop him kicking and biting?

Expert Answer
Penney Hames
Penney Hames is a clinical child psychologist and journalist.

Many two and three year olds go through an aggressive phase. But with love and firmness you can show them how to behave.

Toddlers hit and bite, kick and punch because it is a sure fire way to get your attention, something your children crave. You need to show them that it doesn't work.

As soon as he hits out (don't wait) tell him that because he has hit or bitten he must now sit in 'time out' for two minutes (use a minute for each year of his life). Say this as calmly as you can and then don't say anything else. Next, lead him firmly but kindly to a designated chair (preferably one from which his feet can neither touch the floor nor kick the walls) and leave him to sit.

Do not send him to his room or to the bottom step. You need to keep an eye on him, and he needs as few distractions as possible. A chair in the kitchen is great.

If he gets up, take him back immediately. Tell him that the time out will only begin when he is sitting. Put your hand on his leg to encourage him to stay. Do not let him off if he says he's sorry, he needs to sit still first. Don't talk to him during his time out or allow any one else to either. Use the two minutes to calm yourself down. When the time is up, ask him to apologise and then forgive and forget. Eventually your toddler will get the message.

Your toddler is learning what he can and cannot do. With time out and your positive and loving attention whenever he is playing well, he won't need to go on hitting and biting for long.

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15 month old

15 month old, first week
How your toddler's growing

Your baby's growing up fast these days: walking, talking a little, probably even using a spoon or fork when she eats. Every game she plays, whether it's pointing to different body parts when you ask her to or putting objects into containers and taking them out again, teaches her about the world around her.

One of the things she's learning is that she's an individual, not just an extension of you. How can you tell if your child has grasped this concept? Watch her in front of a mirror: if she recognises herself and isn't trying to reach out and touch the 'other' baby, she understands. Realising that she is an independent person does have its downsides too - she may still get anxious when you leave her for some time yet.

Your life: adapting to your toddler's needs

The way your child deals with the world around her will tell you a lot about her temperament – how she's likely to respond to different situations, people, places and things – and help you to understand her needs. For example, some children are flexible and adapt easily to change; others need a more predictable schedule. You can modify your child's environment to help her succeed. She's depending on you to make her feel comfortable and help her develop to her fullest potential.

Food for toddlers

If your toddler is a picky eater then you can tie yourself in knots worrying about whether she's eating enough. Take a look at our guidelines for toddler nutrition and you'll probably find that your toddler's diet may not be varied but is balanced. For more ideas on what to feed her read our suggestions for solids for 12 to 18 month olds.

Parent tip: making car trips easier

"Car rides can be horrendous with a 15 month old. Keep some snacks and special toys in the car to keep fidgeting at bay." – Lesley
Share your tips!

Community

If you want to get more of your life back now that your child is older, you can check out the views of others in our community.

Things to consider

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How your toddler learns to talk and how to encourage his language development.

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Expert advice on kicking and biting.

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15 month old, second week
How your toddler's growing

Where there's a will, there's a won't. And your toddler is mastering those won'ts – big time. The generally agreeable nature of a 12-month-old can morph overnight into something more exhausting. "No" will soon become one of her favourite words.

Rigid, contrary behaviour shows that your child is beginning to understand a huge concept: she's a separate person from you. Power struggles at this age are likely to be over things like nappy changes, toothbrushing and getting into the buggy or car seat.

Your best bet is to sidestep power struggles when you can. Let things go if they don't really matter (changing a shirt that's dirty, say). Save your energy for the big stuff (no hitting, for example).

Your life now: helping a timid toddler

If your child has a reserved personality, resist labelling her "shy". She may be slow to warm up to others, but most toddlers are shy sometimes, especially in new situations. Separation anxiety can afflict children who are sociable and bold as well as their more timid peers.

If your child seems generally introverted, give her extra TLC. In stressful social situations, let her know you understand. Hold her hand and say "It's noisy at this party, isn't it?" Give her extra time to warm up, and praise her when she's sociable rather than pointing out times when she's reserved.

Parent tip: from bottles to beakers

"Going cold turkey worked for us in getting rid of bottles. The first couple of days with a beaker, my daughter would only take sips of the milk and then spit it out. But suddenly she realised, "OK, this is where milk comes from now" and started taking it with no problem." – Rachel

Community

Going through a particularly tantrum-filled phase? Share your experiences and find advice on our community.

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15 month old, third week
How your toddler's growing

Keys, pencils, lipsticks, phones: all may be fascinating to your toddler. These objects are fun to look at and manipulate, and when your toddler sees you using them, he wants to do the same.

The problem is, you might not want him demolishing your lipstick! (And some of these items can be toxic or pose a choking hazard.) Your challenge is to find things he can safely use to satisfy his need to mimic– like a set of plastic keys, an old handbag with a hairbrush and comb or a cheap wallet.

There are plenty of other ways to keep your toddler's hands occupied for more than a minute or two. For example, fill a laundry basket with safe odds and ends, such as plastic containers and lids, scarves, hats and wooden spoons or other big utensils. He'll love getting his hands on objects that look like they have a purpose and trying to work out how to use them.

Your life now: helping your toddler talk

Worried because your child isn't speaking much yet? Don't be. Many children, especially boys, speak little until the middle of the second year. Chances are, though, that your 15 month old understands a great deal of what you say. Keep speaking and reading to your child, but don't try to coax or drill. By 18 months he should be able to say at least 15 words.

Do pay attention to your child's ability to hear, though, as poor hearing can create speech delays. Report any concerns to his doctor. The sooner a hearing problem is treated, the better the outcome is likely to be.

Parent tip: giving medicine

"I find my daughter will swallow medicine if I sit her on my lap while she's watching a DVD and then squirt in a little bit at a time." – Tammy

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15 month old, fourth week
How to handle a biter

No doubt about it, biting is uncivilised behaviour. But your toddler is still a bit uncivilised. When 15 month olds bite, it's usually because they lack the language skills to express themselves. If they feel threatened, sometimes all they can think of doing is chomp.

Here's a good strategy for preventing biting from becoming a habit. First turn your attention to the child who was bitten and make sure he's all right. Stay calm with both children. There's little to be gained by shouting at or punishing the biter, who was simply overwhelmed by emotions she found hard to control. In fact, the biter may be crying harder than the bitten.

Simply say, "no biting" and redirect her. Take note of what was happening at the time of the incident. Was your child being threatened or was her space being invaded? Is it close to nap time? You may be able to prevent trouble if you know what the triggers are.

Never try to teach your child how biting feels by doing it to her. That only suggests that biting is sometimes OK.

Your life now: safe spaces for play

One way to handle discipline with a boisterous toddler is to avoid situations in which you're likely to have to dole it out. Minimise how often you have to say "no" by childproofing at least a part of your home in which your toddler can be contained.

It's not always easy to create a childproof area in your home, especially if your child is a determined explorer who's into everything. But if you can manage it, a safe space gives your child a chance to explore freely without being constantly redirected or told "no". It also gives you a bit of a break. You still need to supervise, but it's a lot more relaxed if sharp objects, breakables, plants, electric cords, wastepaper bins and other temptations are removed from reach.

Parent tip: hair washing

"My little girl used to hate having her hair rinsed when I washed it until I introduced two little cups to the bath – one for her and one for me. Now we make a game of it as we both pour water over her head." – Ellie

Community

Share your toddler craft and activity ideas with other mums in our community.

Things to consider

Your toddler is growing up fast: check out her development month by month.

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Your 18-month-old's development

Approved by the BabyCentre Medical Advisory Board

Highlights * On the move * Is he ready for toilet training? * Developing memory and imagination * Comfort objects and habits * Discipline
On the move
Your 18-month-old is becoming a proficient walker. He may motor up stairs with help and likes to climb all over your furniture. He'll try to kick a ball, though he won't always be successful. He probably likes to dance if you play music and will push and turn buttons and knobs if they're in reach.
Is he ready for toilet training?
Before a child can learn to use a potty, he must develop the sensory awareness that allows him to hold in his urine or bowel movements. Most toddlers don't learn this until they are at least 18 months old. You'll have much better success if you wait until your child is showing all the signs of readiness before you start potty training.
Developing memory and imagination
Somewhere between 18 months and 24 months your toddler will begin to show that he can think about things that aren't present. For example, he'll no longer be confused if you hide an object while he watches and then move it to another spot when he's looking away. After he discovers it's not where he thought it was, he'll keep searching.
Comfort objects and habits
For a toddler, a favourite stuffed toy is a great source of comfort. He might also have some habits that soothe him -- like twirling his hair, rocking, or sucking his thumb. Most children naturally outgrow these things by the time they're four, so there's no need to intervene now.
Discipline
If you reward good behaviour and do not reward bad behaviour, your child will quickly learn right from wrong. You could try to model the behaviour you hope to foster in your children, because they will learn by copying you. If you make a rule, like never allowing your child to leave the garden without an adult, then stick to it, and never let him risk it. He will soon remember that it is taboo.

Developmental milestones: talking

Last reviewed: November 2012
Show referencesHide references

Highlights * How did my baby's speech develop in her first year? * How will my toddler learn to talk? * How can I encourage my toddler to talk? * How will I know if my toddler is having trouble learning to talk?
Your toddler will gradually understand how she can use words to describe what she sees, hears, feels and thinks. Even before she uttered her first word, she was listening to and learning from everyone around her (GOSH 2008).
How did my baby's speech develop in her first year?
From the moment your baby arrived in the world, she was learning how to communicate. Her first form of communication was crying. She cried when she was hungry, uncomfortable or tired (ICAN 2007, Sheridan 2008: 8).

From around three months, your baby may have started to babble to herself and make sounds back when you talked to her (ICAN 2007, Sheridan 2008: 11). She may have begun to recognise her name, and even responded when you said it from across the room (GOSH 2008, Sheridan 2008: 14).

From around six months, you may have noticed your baby favouring certain sounds, such as "ba" or "ma", as these were easier to pronounce. She may have repeated them over and over because she liked the way they sounded (GOSH 2008).
How will my toddler learn to talk?
12 to 17 months
From around her first birthday, your toddler may begin to use one or more words and know what they mean (ICAN 2007, Sheridan 2008: 26). Her first words could well be a variation of "mummum" or "dada" (ICAN 2007, NHS nd).

By around 15 months, your toddler will probably raise her voice at the end of a question. She may make hand gestures to emphasise what she's saying, such as pointing and waving (ICAN 2007, Sheridan 2008: 26).

Your toddler may be able to understand and follow simple or routine instructions, such as "Pick up your teddy" or "Come to the table" (Sheridan 2008: 26).

18 to 24 months
By 18 months your toddler may use between six and 20 simple words (Sheridan 2008: 29, ICAN 2007). By two, your toddler may be using 50 or more single words (Thomson Delmar Learning 2007, Sheridan 2008: 33, ICAN 2010a).

She may be able to put two words together, making basic sentences such as "Carry me" (DoE 2010: 8, ICAN 2010a). When you sing a nursery rhyme, she'll attempt to sing along with you (Sheridan 2008: 30). So if you sing "twinkle twinkle little..." and pause, your toddler may add in "star."

She will chatter to herself as she plays. Enjoy listening to your toddler as she creates her own little world. It doesn't matter if what she says doesn't make sense. The rhythm will sound like real speech (DE 2010: 8, Sheridan 2008: 29).

Pronouns such as 'I','she', and 'it' may confuse your toddler. These labels for things and people are a little too abstract for her just yet. You may catch her avoiding pronouns, saying "Baby throw" instead of "I throw". There's no need to worry if your toddler's speech doesn't sound clear yet. Every toddler learns different sounds at different stages.

25 to 36 months
Your excitable toddler may struggle not to shout when she's expressing herself. She doesn't yet understand how she can change her voice to find the right volume when talking (Sheridan 2008: 41).

Your toddler will start to get the hang of pronouns, such as 'I', 'me', and 'you' (Thomson Delmar Learning 2007, Sheridan 2008: 41). She will also be using the word "no" a lot. This is her way of asserting her independence from you (Thomson Delmar Learning 2007)!

Between the ages of two and three, your toddler's vocabulary will increase to about 300 words (ICAN 2010b). She will string naming words and action words together to form complete, though simple, sentences such as "I go now" (ICAN 2010b).

Your toddler may ask you simple questions, such as "What?", "Where?" and "Who?" a lot (Sheridan 2008: 41, ICAN 2010b). Get ready to be patient as your curious toddler wants to know the answer to everything!

By the time she turns three, your toddler will be able to have a simple conversation with you about what's she doing now or something she's done in the recent past (ICAN 2010c, Sheridan 2008: 41).

But don't be surprised if your toddler gets the tense wrong when she's telling you about something that's happened. For example, she may tell you that she "swimmed", when she means that she "swam" (ICAN 2010c). Try not to tell your toddler that she got the word wrong. Instead, answer her with the correct tense. So tell her, "yes, we swam yesterday."

By now your toddler may be able to tell you her full name and gender, and perhaps even her age (Sheridan 2008: 41).
How can I encourage my toddler to talk?
Talk to your toddler as much as possible as you go about your daily routine and when you are out and about. The more you talk to your toddler, the more new words she'll learn, and the better she'll get at talking (NHS nd, RCSLT 2003, Sheridan 2008: 74).

Chat to your toddler as you change her nappy, feed, or bathe her, and give her time to respond with a smile or eye-to-eye contact (GOSH 2008). Use everyday activities to help your toddler to make connections between actions and objects and the words that represent them. Point out things you see when you're out and about (GOSH 2008, NHS 2011).

Simplify your speech when you talk to your toddler. Use short sentences and emphasise key words. This will help your toddler to focus on the important information (DE 2010: 13, Sheridan 2008: 74).

Try talking to your toddler from time to time in sentences that are about one word longer than the sentences she is using. So if your child uses two-word sentences, use lots of three-word

http://www.babycentre.co.uk/a6573/developmental-milestones-talking#ixzz2Ii4yeye0