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Reasons Why I Cant Look a Person in the Eyes

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The Reason Why I Can’t Look a Person in the Eye

In grade nine, during semester two I had gym last period. It had been a long day, I was exhausted and I just wanted to finish this class and go home. To make everything so much worse we were going to be playing a game that I absolute hated. Soccer-baseball. Both classes were standing in one large circle, while the teacher with boorish brown eyes, was in the middle yelling out instructions. Her voice echoed throughout the huge gym, as she was saying “Everyone has to pick a partner!” and so on. So I looked over to my good friend faith with glamorous green eyes. And mouthed “want to be partners”, and she mouthed back “sure”. So I smiled to myself, until I caught the glimpse of the boy standing beside me, just staring at me, with considerable, confused, brown eyes. Now you see this boy was supposed to be very popular, everyone knew his name, (but I seemed to have forgotten) and everyone thought that he was funny. Even I chuckled at his resistance to a teacher’s demand, his English presentations, and his sarcastic comments during class. So of course I looked back at him into his eyes, and then whispered impatiently to him “what do you want?” he looked at me all wide eyed and pointed at himself. At first I didn’t understand, and then I realized he must have thought that I was taking to him, when I asked faith to be partners. So I shook my head and mouthed “No”, then pointed to faith. His gaze followed my finger till he saw I who I was pointing to, and shook his head as if to say ‘Oh I see’. Then just as I was about to tune in to what the teacher was talking about, I still saw him starting at me, as if I was some alien. So I started into his eyes and whispered back to him again “what now?” He paused for a moment as if trying to figure out what to say, and then he whispered to me “Which eye do I look at when I talk to you?” at first it took a while to sink in, and then I got it. He might have thought he was asking a simple question, but I will never forget how shocked and hurt I was after. My left eye had gotten tired, and now I had no control over it, so it had wondered out, and it didn’t look normal. My eye didn’t look natural, it was totally abnormal, it was alien to him and he was appalled by it. So I whispered back to him “umm I-I don’t know”, and he replied “Oh”. I instantly remembered being at my old school, standing in a bus line, waiting for the bus. It was a blizzard out there, but no one seemed to notice the freezing winds, full of snow whipping by. They were all looking at me, at my eyes. “Four eyes” all the kids teased, even my friend Nathan looked at my lazy eye as if I was a freak. Now looking back on those moments, I just remember wanting to scream at them, that my eyes are no different than there’s. My eyes are just as pretty, they are just as wide, and just as colorful. Why couldn’t they tell that our eyes are the same? That I wasn’t a freak? But I also realized something more important, something that happened subconsciously; that ever since that tiresome gym class, I won’t, no, I can’t look anyone in the eyes anymore.

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