Danielle Weeks
4/13/15
BSHS/385
Role of Conflict and Power Paper The main character in the movie Rachel Getting Married is that of Kym. Kym is a recovering addict just out of a rehabilitation facility who is returning home for her sister Rachel’s wedding. Though the film begins with Kym getting out of a rehabilitation facility it is clear that there is a long history of conflict with her sister and other members of her family. Kym being an addict, has for many years, taken the attention of those close to her and though she is now sober, old behaviors die hard. Rachel, Kym’s sister, struggles with this fact while trying to celebrate her impending nuptials and Kym seeking forgiveness and attempting to move on, continues to butt heads with her sister and other members of her family. One of the most interesting things about this film that makes it differ from a lot of movies similar to it is that at no point does it show flashbacks of Kym using. It focuses primarily on the relationships Kym has with her family and doesn’t use said flashbacks as an opportunity to increase the drama of it all. It is clear in the first five minutes of the film that Kym has a history of inappropriate relationships with people. For example, when leaving the rehabilitation facility it is clear that Kym had developed a boundary crossing relationship with one of the staff members and asks for the staff member’s cell phone number, which is something that would never be allowed. Working in the field of addictions, this story seems pretty true to form because with most addicts, when they get sober, struggle to make amends for past mistakes in their family relationships. This story exaggerates that to a degree because of the course of the events following Kym’s discharge from a rehabilitation facility. I have seen many addicts who are newly sober and looking forward to starting new and moving on with their lives, but often the long term damage done to their relationships is the hardest part of getting sober because the trust has been broken. Also, family members often settle into their roles of their family member’s addiction and have a hard time moving past the role of enabler or moving past their fear that the addict will relapse and go back to the previous behaviors. And due to the cycle of mistrust that has been built, those with close relationships to the addict often have a hard time believing that the addict is actually sober. This is also associated with the fact that many people believe that the use of a particular drug is the problem and do not realize that the problem is a history of behaviors that included drug use, but there is a lot of work that needs to be done aside from just stopping use of the desired drug. Kym shows throughout the film that she has many maladaptive behaviors, notably by going to meeting in her in which she meets a man in attendance and then finds out he is the best man of her sister’s fiancé, Kym immediately sleeps with him. This is pretty common with addicts as there is often a history of instant gratification behaviors that existed before drug use began, during, and often after the drug use has stopped. The important thing about addiction that many people don’t understand is that their use is not just about the drug, it’s about escaping reality and that can be done in a wide array of ways, most commonly with risky sexual behaviors. The relationship between Kym and her sister Rachel is by far the most interesting and complex relationship featured in the movie as one would guess from the title of the film. The first instance of conflict between Kym and Rachel is when, during a bridesmaid dress fitting, Kym becomes upset that she is not the maid of honor. Kym basically throws a temper tantrum and Rachel, after a brief argument, asks her current maid of honor to step down so that Kym can be the maid of honor. It is clear that Rachel tends to avoid conflict and made this decision to make her already vulnerable sister happy. It is also clear that this has been a long lasting trait in Rachel and that she was the star child and most likely fulfilled the role of succeeding in life to make up for Kym’s bad behavior. Kym clearly struggles with not being the center of attention and chooses the exact wrong moment to make amends, during her speech at Rachel’s wedding shower. Though it is clear that she does have good intentions, her attention seeking behavior clearly is the biggest issue in their relationship. This is pretty typical in families as the sibling of the addict often does not want to make any waves because her parents have too much to focus on with the addicted sibling. And this, which is also clearly depicted in the film, often creates a serious resentment for that sibling as they feel they did not receive the proper attention one would think for doing well in their lives. This weekend is the one weekend where Rachel should be receiving the majority of attention, attention she has likely craved for a significant amount of time, and she is being overshadowed by Kym, once again. Her parents are more concerned with watching Kym to make sure she doesn’t use then they are with their other daughter getting married. Kym is also interesting as she harbors a lot of guilt and uses anger and humor to deflect that. Kym, like many addicts, when feeling attacked strikes back at others because if she plays the victim, she will be the victim and will not have to be accountable for everything that she is done and perhaps those she loves will forgive her out of guilt. The amount of guilt that Kym actually experiences is most appropriately demonstrated during a sharing portion in a meeting she attends. Kym is a long time addict and has been using since she was a teenager. Kym tells the story of playing with her brother following taking a bunch of pills and Kym was driving home and lost control of the vehicle and her brother drowned. Kym states that she struggles with the existence of God because she cannot forgive herself and cannot believe in a God that would forgive her. This is the most vulnerable you see Kym through the entire film and it isn’t surprising to me that she is not able to be that way with her family, but is with a bunch of strangers at a self-help meeting. Kym feels judged by her family in a way someone who is not an addict with that much guilt cannot understand. Kym knows that if anyone is going to accept her it would be a room full of addicts who understand what she is going through.
In regards to communication, these sisters immediately fail at proper communication as they start out pretending that nothing has happened. Though these are special circumstances and neither one of them probably wanted to focus on that during the wedding weekend, they would have benefited from talking about everything as early as possible. There is clearly a gradual build of frustration and anxiety that occurs over the course of the film and causes significant distress for both of the sisters. The sisters argue several times throughout the film and it is basically the same argument because neither one actually takes any responsibility and only places blame. The only person that actually seems to understand the proper way to communicate is the sister’s stepmother, Carol. Carol often tries to intervene and put the arguments into perspective and this is clear during the argument that follows the wedding shower and Kym threatens to use again because she feels like she is in the “Salem Witch Trials” and Carol states “no one can make you feel any sort of way unless you let them.”
I think the most interesting aspect of the film is the conflict between Rachel and herself. Rachel is about to get her PhD in psychology, but continues to struggle with her own psychological issues and is unable to properly practice skills that she inevitably teaches. This is pretty common with people that work in the field and I say that as someone that works in the field. Often people decide to go into Human Services because they have struggled or know someone who has struggled with addiction, mental health, etc. For me this was viewed as an opportunity for self-discovery in the beginning, a way of understanding myself better and helping others, helping those who want help. Though I am still early in my career at five years, I realized within my first year that I needed to do some work on my own before I would be of any real value to others. I went into therapy and say that with no shame as I believe everyone, especially if you work in the field, should participate in some sort of therapy.