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Reflection 5

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Reflection #5 My Experience with Loss

I have not experienced any significant loss in my life yet however my parents got divorced when I was a senior in high school. I went to boarding school known as Tabor Academy, which was only 45 minutes away from home. I remember I was so glad to go to boarding school because at the time my parents were fighting a lot. This was a place where I could go to get away from all of the drama that was happening at home. My two brothers also went to other boarding schools. We enjoyed going to school away from home in order to not deal with our parents. One weekend my senior year, I was eighteen years old, my brothers and I came home. Our parents sat us down and told us how they were no longer going to be able to make it work. At the moment we were told this I broke down in tears. It felt like this had come out of nowhere. Even though I knew that our parents were fighting a lot I just thought that is what couples did sometimes. I had so many thoughts running through my head such as whom would I live with or would we move far away? I asked my parents whether or not it was our fault that they were breaking up. It now seemed like things would be so complicated. During this time music was one thing that was the most helpful. For years after my parent’s got divorced they constantly fought. They put my brothers and I in the middle of all of their arguments. It was so hard for my parents to find a way to take care of all of us together since all they did was fight. If there was ever a time when I got upset music was able to distract me from the pain. In addition, the most supportive people in my life at this time were my two brothers. I do not know how I would have been able to make it through this hard time in my life if it was not for them. We were all going through this pain together and were able to lean on each other. The least helpful thing for me was talking to my parents about my feelings. It always seemed to end in fighting and I was never able to feel better. So instead of talking to my parents I either vented to my brothers or friends. In addition, the least helpful thing was my parents talking badly about each other behind their backs. It was hard to explain to the two of them why that made me uncomfortable and how it was rude since I loved them both very much. Even though this event was very hard on my life I think that it has really helped me transform as a person. I have now become a stronger more independent woman. In addition, now when a problem arises I have a better grasp of how to handle it. This has been the first year where there has been peace between my parents. Even though they cannot be in the same room, they are no longer talking badly about each other or putting my brothers and I in the middle of their fighting. I am now able to stick up for myself and tell my parents what is bothering me. I learned that I am a lot stronger than I thought I was. When I first found out my parents were getting divorced I felt broken. But through the process I realized that I am strong and can pull through. I realized that worse things could happen. I also learned that I have to enjoy every part of my life and do not want to have anyone who causes drama in my life. I learned that other people are very helpful and understanding. I am so thankful for all of my friends who were there for me during all of the hard times during my parents divorce. They were there to listen and comfort me with no judgment. This event happened when I was a senior in high school and I am currently a senior. I remember this event a lot because my parents are still not fully better. They still fight occasionally about us and I have to listen to them both complain about the other person. So I would have to say at least every few months I remember the event to due another problem with them. I cannot wait till I see the day that they have no more problems. It is a little hard to write about this since I am still struggling with my parents. They do not always know how to keep us out of their problems. It has been harder also with graduation coming up because these events make it very difficult for my parents. They cannot sit near each other and we have to take pictures and go to dinner with them separately. So planning that has helped me to remember the event. However, this is the third graduation they are doing and I want to say they are getting better. Writing about this is also helpful because just answering these questions helps me to see how much I have grown since I first heard about my parents getting divorced. I have grown as a person since this event occurred.

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