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Playing God - Extra Credit

In: Business and Management

Submitted By joselopezjose
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Chapter 5 Writing Improvement Exercise

Communicating with Sensitivity and Tact
Substitute a better phrase for each of the following:

1. You claim that: It shows here that, 2. You neglected to: Procedures were not followed. 3. We have been very patient: So far, we have tried to work with you. 4. Apparently you overlooked our terms: Our terms claims that,

Demonstrating the “You” View
Rewrite these sentences to reflect your audience’s viewpoint:

5. Your email order cannot be processed; we request that you use the order form on our website instead.
If you use the order form supplied in the back of the catalog, your order will be processed as quickly as possible.

6. I am applying for the position of bookkeeper in your office. I feel my grades prove that I am bright and capable, and I think I can do a good job for you.

7. If you cared about doing a good job, you would’ve made the extra effort required to learn how to use the machinery properly. 8. Regarding the email message from September 28 regarding the slow payment of your invoice, it’s important for you to realize that we’ve just undergone a massive upgrade of our accounts payable system and payments have been delayed for everybody, not just you.

Emphasizing the Positive
Revise these sentences to be positive rather than negative:

9. We don’t offer refunds on returned merchandise that is soiled. 10. You failed to specify the color of the blouse that you ordered. 11. To avoid damage to your credit rating, please remit payment within 10 days. 12. Because we are temporarily out of Baby Cry dolls, we won’t be able to ship your order for 10 days.

Using Unbiased Language
Rewrite each of the following to eliminate bias:

13. For an Indian, Maggie certainly is outgoing. 14. A pilot must have the ability to stay calm under pressure, and then he...

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