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Pizza Dilevery

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Submitted By elsac679
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Hey guys, if the company I worked for found out that I was writing this I would be canned immediately so the who/where is intentionally vague.

My name is T and I deliver pizzas is a small rural town in northern Canada. I'm writing this immediately after getting off shift and i'm scared shitless just recollecting it so bear with my garbage writing. The rural town that I deliver in consists of about 25,000 people spread out along the foothills of a large mountain range. Many people that live here are farmers, loggers, and shit like that. We have a small college here too so there are a few students from out of town living her as well. Unlike most delivery companies, the one that I work for allows people outside of the city limits to order pizza up to about 50km away from our location. Our company is like this because many of the towns residents actually live out of city limits in the foothills where their farms are. Obviously, this causes me and other drivers to be gone for long periods of time on deliveries. during the long deliveries we aren't expected back for a minimum of an hour before my boss starts calling. To top it off, we are open until 5 am every night. This combination of variables has caused me to witness and be a part of some really fucked up and creepy shit during my several years working here. I haven't told anyone much of it; but after tonight I need to get this off of my chest. I'm positive that I was almost murdered tonight.

Tonight started out like most other tuesday nights: I was making shit tips and getting increasingly depressed about how my life as a driver was panning out. I had already taken several deliveries out to the boonies and most of those redneck fucks didn't even toss a dollar my way. When the in-store delivery computer chimed that I had a delivery, I dreaded that it would be out to the boonies. Lo and behold, this delivery was to a house that hadn't ordered before exactly 50KM from our hub location. Feeling pretty pissed, I looked at the special delivery instructions portion of the delivery slip and felt a little bit better:

"BIG TIP AS LONG AS INSTRUCTIONS ARE FOLLOWED: Take the pizza inside the house to the upstairs bedroom, door will be unlocked." Instructions like these aren't uncommon, some people can be really fucking lazy. Feeling excited that my tips were about to pick up, I raced out there at record speeds. I didn't even stop to get a coffee like I usually do on those long deliveries.

After about 25 minutes of driving down mostly dirt road, I reached what my GPS told me was the correct address. I hadn't seen another house for at least the last 5 km which again, wasn't that uncommon out in the boonies. Pulling up the driveway, I realized that this house wall all kinds of fucked up. From the road it looked okay, but close up I could tell that no one had lived here in a long ass time. The house was two stories tall, with a roof that was caved in in a few spots and broken windows all over. To top it off there was no door to speak of.

"Unlocked my ass" I mumbled as I opened my door and went around the other side of my car to grab the pizza. As I was doing this I started to hear a sound that made every hair on my body stand up. From the top left window, which from the directions on the tag was where the owner wanted to pizza, I could faintly hear laughing. What fucked me up so much about that laughing was that it wasn't your typical laugh-because-something-is-funny laugh. The only way I can describe it is that it sounded like someone was trying to imitate laughing, despite never hearing a laugh in their life. It sounded so.. fake. It was one long low "haaaaaaaaaaaaaa" followed by a quick "HA" Everything about it was so off. Now thoroughly freaked out I squeaked out a weak "hello" in front of the door. No matter how hard I try, I cannot get the sound of whatever that was up there out of my head. After about thirty seconds of waiting, I heard a response: "I'm very hungry please hurry." that phrase in itself doesn't seem terrifying in any way, but the way that whatever was up there said it has me fighting back a panic attack just thinking about it. the way that thing talked was so inhuman and so wrong, it's cadence was off and it's voice seemed so strained. Whatever that thing was, I never found out. I dropped the pizza on the floor and fucked off as fast as humanly possible. Despite writing this in the safety of my own home, I still feel so fucked up thinking about it.

What do you think it was, nosleep? Was I a bitch for not going up there, and was it probably just some sad old fat man who couldn't get out of bed? Again, apologies for the crap writing. I've never actually told anyone about all the weird shit that happens to me on the job, but if you guys will listen, I think I can muster up the courage to recount some more fucked up things.

--T

EDIT: hey guys, since lots of people want me to, expect another entry soon about more fucked up shit that's happened during my time driving.

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