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How Might You Repair Relationships?

Purpose: To identify when repair may be needed during stages of relational escalation and de-escalation. You will also be able to practice offering “repair work” to interpersonal relationships.

Directions: Whether expert or novice each of us gives relationship repair advice and probably each of us seeks it from time to time from friends or therapists. Here are a few situations that call for repair. Can you use what you’ve read about here (as well as your own experiences, readings, observations, and so on) to explain what is going on in these situations? What repair advice would you give to each of the people in these situations?
• Friends and Colleagues. Mike and Jim, friends for 20 years—had a falling out over the fact that Mike supported another person for promotion over Jim. Jim is resentful and feels that Mike should have given him his support; this would have secured Jim’s promotion and raise, which Jim and his large family could surely use. Mike feels that his first obligation was to the company and chose the person he felt would do the best job. Mike feels that if Jim feels this way and can’t understand or appreciate his motives, and then he no longer cares to be friends. Assuming that both Mike and Jim want the friendship to continue or will at some later time, what do you suggest Mike do? What do you suggest Jim do?
In this situation I can understand why Jim feels the way he does because it is hard to balance personal and working relationships due to the fact that the pretenses change, when the person actually stays the same. Mike made the correct decision and should have done all he could to make Jim feel better about it. Jim should understand that it is nothing personal, and Mike is only making the most sound decision on a professional level.
• Coming Out. Tom, a junior in college—recently came out as gay

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