Socialization is the lifelong social experiences where people develop their human potential of attitudes, values, and behaviors that are appropriate and expected by their culture and community. We start shaping this from the first day we are born. Those who ‘welcome’ us into the world, cuddle us, and feed us, in those first few minutes of life, will help develop the individual we become. We continue to grow through life and life’s experiences daily. Every day we interact with people in our lives. It could be babysitters, doctors, neighbors, teachers, professors, coaches, and our own family, to name a few. As we move through life we thus develop our own personal image of ourselves. This is not only created from our own thoughts, about ourselves, but also the influence and the perceptions that others have of us. This concept is called the ‘looking-glass self’. According to Dictionary.reference.com, the definition of this is, ‘the self-image an individual forms by imagining what others think of his or her behavior and appearance.’ The key word here is, ‘imagine.’ We are not influenced by the actual voiced opinion of others but we are influenced by what we believe or think we imagine other people’s opinions to be. Our perceptions of how others see us can be correct, or incorrect, thus feeding our imagination possible inaccurate thoughts and beliefs. Charles Horton Cooley (August 17, 1864 – May 7, 1929), an American sociologist and the eighth president of the American Sociological Association, shares this concept in three steps. 1. We imagine how we appear to another person. At times, this imagination is correct, but may also be wrong since it is merely based on our assumptions. 2. We imagine what judgments or opinions people make of us based on our appearance. 3. We imagine how the person feels about us, based on the judgments made of us.
The ultimate result of this is we often change our thoughts and behavior based on how we feel people perceive us. You may ask how this affects us, as we go through the motions of daily life. In the article, ‘The Looking Glass Self: How Our Self-image is Shaped by Society,’ published by the web based journal, Popular Social Science, helps answer this by stating, “All people want to be liked and be appreciated for talents or personality. But if we have a weak self-image and if we believe that the opinions of others are more important than our own, we can end up living our lives in accordance to other peoples´ expectations. Sometimes, we allow others evaluations of us, mean more to us than our own. This is quite a sad and distressing thought, since it implies that others´ opinions of you can run your life.” Until you stop and think of this concept, you may never know the true affect it is having on your everyday self-image. We go through our daily motions and do not always stop and think. Not only has learning this concept made me look back to several occasions in my personal life where I was affected by it, but also to the current day events for myself and my children.

While attending elementary school, I was continually viewed as one of the ‘bad kids’, from my peers, because I was regularly sent to the principal’s office. Although I maintained high grades, was not rude or disrespectful to my classmates or teachers, I was perceived this way from the other children. Growing up, my family belonged to a religion that did not celebrate any American holidays, birthdays, or political awareness, including saluting the flag. Due to their beliefs, I was not allowed to participate in any facet of these holidays or events. In that generation we did many activities representing Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Valentine’s Day, to name a few. There were regular craft projects, parties, and plays, celebrating these events. Parents were also welcome to bring treats in to celebrate their child’s Birthday. During every event mentioned above, I was sent to the principal’s office so I could not witness the festivities or participate in them. Not only did my fellow classmates not understand, other students walking past the principal’s office saw me regularly, and would point, whisper, and at times shout negative comments to me about being the, ‘bad kid’. I became withdrawn from those I went to school with because I imagined they did not like me, thought I was a bad person, and I was different from the norm. Today, as I learn the ‘looking-glass self’ concept, I know that what I imagined was probably more severe than in actuality. This strongly affected my self-image and confidence growing up. This concept also affected me as I recently made a life change. I am a Mary Kay Consultant of 17 years. I was also a Mary Kay Director for 12 years, until September 1, 2015. The decision to step down from this position created weeks of thought, emotion, and consideration. I went through many different steps to make the final decision. One big part of this decision making process was thinking and talking to others about what my sister Consultants and Director’s would think of me. Will I be viewed as a failure? Will they feel as if I let them down? Will my children be disappointed in me and view me as a quitter? What words will I use to communicate my final decision and how will they view me at that time? After much thought and consideration, I decided to step down from the Director position. I was very concerned for my self-image based on how others received the news and then their view of me. Contrary to what I thought, those around me know that I have a corporate job in which I travel a lot, I have spent the last 12 years raising my 3 daughters alone, my 15 year old, non-driving, twins are involved in sports, helping others, and being on the High School honor roll every semester, I am attending college, and have a fairly large house and yard to maintain. Instead of what I imagined others would think of me, it was the complete opposite. I received e-mails and letters of positive support. The appreciation for time, effort, and training that I have given to so many for years, was acknowledged. I was not viewed as a failure or quitter but as a person creating the next chapter of my life. The ‘looking-glass self’ concept can effect thoughts and emotions of people very quickly today. With social media opening the door to instant communications, video, and photos being sent, our self-image can be changed instantaneously, if we allow it. I experienced this recently as

I was shopping for a homecoming dress with my daughters. After trying on many dresses my daughter, Kendal, found a dress that she considered, ‘The Dress’! I covered my basic motherly questions by asking, “Do you feel good in the dress? Do you feel pretty? Do you like the way the dress flows on her body? Is it comfortable so you can have fun the night of the dance without constantly adjusting?” She answered yes to all of my questions so I knew, this was, ‘The One’! A few minutes later, after checking out and walking in the mall, Kendal said she was now unsure of the dress. Why? She sent a picture of herself, in the dress, to ten of her friends on Snap Chat. After seven minutes only one person responded she looked good in it. That quickly she imagined that she did not appear to look fabulous in it. Due to not receiving a quick enough response she thought she did not look good in the dress. At that time, I shared the Charles Cooley concept with her. After discussing her true feelings and emotions about how she actually looked and felt in the dress, she moved forward without a second thought of how awesome she will look. In this case, lack of communication and imagination created an illusion of what her friends thought. In the end every friend loved it except one. Learning the Charles Cooley concept has made an incredible impact on me and has been an awesome lesson to teach my daughters. Staying true to your self-image, not allowing others thoughts to influence your decisions, and realizing that at times, we may be totally incorrect about what we imagine others are thinking about us. We are given one life so continue to grow, learn, and keep your eyes open to the correct and incorrect assumptions of others. In the end, make the decision that is best for your own self-image.

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Macionis, J. (2015). Society: the basics (13th ed., Vol. 13). Upper Saddle River, NJ/US: Pearson. looking-glass self. (n.d.). Dictionary.com Unabridged. Retrieved September 8, 2015, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/looking-glass self Isaksen, J. V. (2013). The Looking Glass Self: How Our Self-image is Shaped by Society. Popular Social Science, (May). http://www.popularsocialscience.com/2013/05/27/the-looking-glass-self- how-our-self-image-is-shaped-by-society/